Cheery Bananas Online

Literately tens of people could barely manage a “so what?” today as the long lost tenth issue of cult Glasgow litter tray liner Cheery Bananas finally hit the streets.
While the streets remained inexplicibly free of cheering crowds, one man feels his long struggle is over.
Rabid CB fan Plymouth Argyle has been staging a naked internet chug-a-thon since the magazine failed to appear last March as scheduled. With his weight soaring, his wife long gone and his kids calling some other bloke daddy, Plymouth is glad he can now get his life back on track.
“I have some minor health concerns to address,” the au natural numpty told us, “Some physical, quite a few mental.”

In other words Cheery Bananas#10 is out and available from Missing Records, Mono (hopefully, I haven’t asked yet…) and here!

Isn’t life dandy?

Haven’t had the time to get 32 pages of sufficient quality together in time so instead of 32 pages for 2 bucks, how’s 28 for 1fitty?

I thought so.

So far we’re on schedule for the 21st so finger crossed, this will be last of the feverish back peddling until the next issue…

Exclusive to Cheery Bananas Online!

The body of former US President Ronald Reagan was today placed on high alert after intelligence was uncovered detailing a plot to assassinate the recently deceased US leader.
Armed guards have been placed around the grave of the departed ex actor, who's love of installing puppet governments and sleeping through the important stuff gained him a special place in the hearts of many of his countyfolk.
"They'll never take him alive!" Security officer Randy Gubbs told us today from his post near the "Bedtime For Bonzo" star's final resting place.

The plot to assasinate Reagan was discovered as part of captured al- Qaeda information at the root of terror alerts in Britain and America this week, which turned out to be in the region of four years old.

With al-Qaeda apparently planning their next series of attacks at least four years in arrears, many westerners are petrified that they will carry out reported threats to rig the outcome of the 2002 World Cup, blow up the Berlin Wall and disrupt Charles Lindberg's attempt to fly solo across the Atlantic.

Exclusive to Cheery Bananas Online!

Chilling new evidence emerged today that deposed Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein planned a major offensive on portly westerners.
Swarthy nutjob Saddam hoped to make millions by enticing westerners to Baghdad to sample his "Saddam Slim" diet plan, but documents (click on image, left) discovered in Saddam's plush hole in the ground hideaway reveal the catch behind the outlandish promises of weight loss.
Even so, several desperate slimmers expressed dismay after seeing their chance to lose several stone in a matter of seconds disappear following the recent arrest of the brutal dictator/romantic novelist.
"I grew so fat I had my jaws wired shut," says wobbly weightwatcher Taloola Manbasket.
"But I still managed to gain weight by drinking chocolate milk shakes through a big straw and having expensive cake enimas. My husband paid for them. If he hadn't, I would have told everyone down the village pub what I caught him doing with his nephew's ferrets. Now it occurs to me that if I'd travelled to Iraq and had my head cut off for being a brazen Western whore, I'd have lost weight instantly and I would now be without the fat face I just can't stop stuffing!"
In related news, former Iraqi national football mascot Beheado has been replaced by Invadie The Freedom Pooch, in a move seen by many as pro-coalition.
Beheado, who's headless figure used to entertain Iraqi children by showering them with fig flavoured blood from a gaping neck wound would appear at half time during matches with less than five scheduled live executions.
Invadie, who will apparently "act American...", is however expected to buck the recent US behavioural trend of blowing foreigners to fuck before telling them how to live.