Cheery Bananas Online

Exclusive to Cheery Bananas Online!

Chilling new evidence emerged today that deposed Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein planned a major offensive on portly westerners.
Swarthy nutjob Saddam hoped to make millions by enticing westerners to Baghdad to sample his "Saddam Slim" diet plan, but documents (click on image, left) discovered in Saddam's plush hole in the ground hideaway reveal the catch behind the outlandish promises of weight loss.
Even so, several desperate slimmers expressed dismay after seeing their chance to lose several stone in a matter of seconds disappear following the recent arrest of the brutal dictator/romantic novelist.
"I grew so fat I had my jaws wired shut," says wobbly weightwatcher Taloola Manbasket.
"But I still managed to gain weight by drinking chocolate milk shakes through a big straw and having expensive cake enimas. My husband paid for them. If he hadn't, I would have told everyone down the village pub what I caught him doing with his nephew's ferrets. Now it occurs to me that if I'd travelled to Iraq and had my head cut off for being a brazen Western whore, I'd have lost weight instantly and I would now be without the fat face I just can't stop stuffing!"
In related news, former Iraqi national football mascot Beheado has been replaced by Invadie The Freedom Pooch, in a move seen by many as pro-coalition.
Beheado, who's headless figure used to entertain Iraqi children by showering them with fig flavoured blood from a gaping neck wound would appear at half time during matches with less than five scheduled live executions.
Invadie, who will apparently "act American...", is however expected to buck the recent US behavioural trend of blowing foreigners to fuck before telling them how to live.