Cheery Bananas Online

A Glasgow call centre has abandoned its “Casual Friday” policy after a former Aberdeen football hooligan employed by the company misunderstood the concept and stabbed three Rangers supporting colleagues while wearing a Pringle sweater.

Ex- soccer “ned” Innes Ovinelust then calmly worked at his desk singing off-colour songs about David Cooper and Ian Durrant while waiting for the police to arrive.

A spokesperson for ISP Internetripoff commented:
“It’s a very regrettable incident. These stabbings mean that productivity is down and the team may not meet their targets, as the pressure has been on lately. But our shareholders can rest assured that the victims have been issued a written warning for letting the team down.

On the subject of “Casual Fridays” it’s a shame we’ve had to scrap it. It’s a great way of making our thicker employees feel as if they are being given a perk while we shell out nary a bean in expense.”